did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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