Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
