Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i barfeds in our rink
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
