I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
