i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
