I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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