If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Come on in and take your pants off
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