If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
