I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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