my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
this hospital has no fireball
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
