Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
