i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
