If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
