Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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