just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
