Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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