Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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