we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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