If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
