Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
