i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
