Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
