is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
