was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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