my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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