he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
