A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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