thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
