i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
