Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
