Having a random hookup so left but love u
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
