he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
