would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
