He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
