I'm sorry my penis didn't work
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
