If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
