yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Randomize
