I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
