you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
