I hate your face
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
