I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
