You really coming over, don't trick.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
