I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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