His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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