I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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