GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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