I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
