It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
