i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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