She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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