Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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