Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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