Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
